Blame
by Nairobi-Harper
Summary: Pearl reflects on what happened in "Cry for Help."


Author's note: This is my first Steven Universe story. I decided to begin with this little one-shot. Constructive criticism is always welcome, though flames certainly aren't.

I suggest that, if you haven't seen the show yet, you don't read this one-shot, because it contains a few spoilers, though I'll try to tone the spoilers down a bit.

I hope that you enjoy this story, and off I go with my first Steven Universe story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Steven Universe. The magical, fantastic, Cartoon Network show belongs to Rebecca Sugar.

 **Blame**

One thing that Pearl could never stand was liars.

Even whenever Steven would come home after a visit at Connie's, and tell the Gems about the movie he had watched where the liar had understandable motives, Pearl could never understand their motives.

"Steven, that doesn't change anything!" Pearl often told him. "They still lied, and that's terrible!"

Of course, Amethyst would roll her eyes at Pearl and make an unneeded comment.

"Ugh, are you kidding me?" Amethyst would ask. "That movie sounds awesome, Steven! Tell us more about it!"

This usually led to the two Gems arguing over whether the character's motives changed the fact that they had lied.

If their honesty would ruin a planet, of course Pearl understood. She simply could not comprehend why anyone would lie about something much less serious than that.

That was long before Pearl herself had been dishonest. Dishonest enough to lose the trust of one of her dearest friends, Garnet.

What made Pearl feel even more ashamed was that the situation wasn't even life threatening. The earth would have stayed up, regardless of whether Pearl hadn't gone through with such lies or not.

It wasn't as if she had stopped, either. She had continued rebuilding the Communication Hub, even when she felt guilty.

'After all,' she often told herself, 'I never feel this way when I fuse with Garnet.'

Regardless of whether _she_ knew or not, whenever Pearl fused with Garnet, she felt different.

Instead of feeling her usual desire to please everyone, Pearl felt confident. While fused with Garnet, she never felt as weak as she did alone. As Sardonyx, Pearl felt that she could take on the world. She felt energetic, she felt strong. Overall, she felt _great_ , and she never wanted that feeling to end.

That was only one reason why she enjoyed fusing with Garnet. In her eyes, Garnet showed perfection.

Garnet was everything that Pearl wanted to be, everything that Pearl would have liked to think of a Crystal Gem as.

Why, why shouldn't she feel somewhat envious?

In her mind, not only did Garnet represent the perfect relationship, though Garnet was also confident, brave, serious, and seemingly non-flawed.

Along with that, the two Gems that had fused to create Garnet, Ruby and Sapphire, never seemed to have any quarrels.

'They're always together,' Pearl thought. 'Every single day. If they can keep that up, they must have a perfect relationship.'

The melancholic Gem frowned.

'If only I could be a part of it.'

Though Pearl often tried her best to be as great as Garnet, to be as wise as Garnet, she never _felt_ like Garnet. This caused issues to her self-esteem, and was why, once – not Pearl herself, though _Garnet_ – suggested that they fused because they 'needed to be careful' (another thing their lovely fusion, Sardonyx, was so good at,) Pearl felt joyous enough to continuously rebuild the Communication Hub. To save face, Pearl lied about it every time.

Pearl remembered once when Amethyst – yes, _Amethyst –_ had come to her with 'wise words of wisdom.'

"Lies never feel that bad until you're actually caught," Amethyst had once explained.

Obliviously, because she herself only lied 'when it was necessary,' Pearl had lectured Amethyst about this.

Truthfully, Pearl couldn't remember the exact occasion when Amethyst had told her this, though she could've been sure that Steven was still a toddler at the time.

Moreover, as she sat there, the Gem realized just how right Amethyst had been. For once, that is.

Admittedly, Pearl knew that she most likely wouldn't have felt as horrid as she did now if Steven and Amethyst hadn't caught her.

It had just felt so good, and – oh, who was she kidding? Just as she had told Amethyst many times, they were the _Crystal Gems._ Their job was to protect the earth, not to lie to each other and waste time to fuse just because it made them feel _alive_ and phenomenal.

Despite every excuse that she had thought of, she knew that none of them correctly expressed her motives.

None of them told the truth about how she truly felt, and surely, because Garnet was already giving her the cold shoulder (which Pearl knew was extremely understandable,) no such excuse would work on her.

All that she really wanted for Garnet to know was that she felt sorry.

She didn't feel nonchalantly sorry, in which she could shrug the situation off and say such a word. Pearl felt genuinely sorry, and wished for there to be a way that she could show that.

'A simple apology could never make Garnet forgive me for what I did,' Pearl thought.

Pearl didn't know how to _make_ Garnet know that she felt as sorry as possible.

There was one thing that she did know, however; she might not be fusing with Garnet for a _very_ long time.


End file.
